tumblr_md9kkevXhy1rrgft7o1_500When I first met Remus, I began to ask him how his day went. At first he didn’t believe in my interest in his work experience. He thought I was just being polite and that I must be bored in truth…that I was just being a good submissive doobee or some such thing. I think there are moments when I am preoccupied and that I ask a little reflexively, but usually, I am genuinely interested in what he’s doing with 1/3 of his life. Not from the perspective that I want to learn all he’s doing at work. I really don’t, want to understand it, but I do want to know about his small successes, his frustrations, his concerns, his satisfactions in what he does. Somehow in the past year or so he’s begun to believe in my interest. On Valentine’s Day he had a hard day. He came home and wanted to express his frustration with his day. It was this long series of obstacles and strange happenstance that every one has occasionally when life seems to tangle needlessly and when you try to sort it out, the tangle just gets more irksome. He came in, got himself sorted out to sit down to relax and then seemed to take relief in telling me all about his irksome day. I commiserated and felt happy that he turned to me in friendship.

It is satisfying also that he takes a keen interest in my day too. We have settled into shallow conversation a great deal. I think that its normal to do that after the deep discovery of each other passes as we first get to know each other. When those deep discoveries are all encountered and little is left unknown of each other, the relationship settles into routines…and discoveries become instead about how life circumstances cause change in each other. Conversation becomes more about family, friends, logistics, divvying up responsibilities, finances, and what’s in the news. I find that peaceful. I find it comforting companionship. It builds a trust in each other’s friendship. The important thing is that we never let ourselves take each other for granted or become jaded by each other’s habits.

We aren’t doing that.

What’s not changed at all between now and first discovery is our flirting…and that still happens regularly. There are daily encounters that provide regular opportunity to express our desire and delight in each other. These are great sources of shared laughter that we both cherish and cultivate. For instance, at lunch time, I make him a lunch and have it ready on the table. At first he brought the paper home to share with me, but when I began to enjoy it more online, he began to leave it at work for coworkers. Each day he waits until lunch time to enjoy one of his favorite things about the paper. He loves the jumble. He actually takes the time to make a photocopy of it to bring home to share with me. He does it, and then watches while I do it. He loves to share this with me. When its time to head back to work, he walks over to my chair and pulls me to his feet for a really warm hug and usually a grope. Every day. And then I walk him to the door, rubbing his shoulders, sharing jokes and flirting with him too. I send him out the door with well wishes for a good afternoon. (And this is not to mention discussions about what each of us have done with our morning during lunch.) I love these moments with him. I guard them as much as I can. We don’t mind missing a day now and again. It isn’t like in the beginning when we felt we were missing out to lose any moment together. Now a day here and there just gives him time to eat someone else’s cooking and have meals of things I don’t cook at home. It gives us a little variety in our week, but mostly, it gives us the small pleasures of missing each other a little bit now and again. But I and I think he also prefers to enjoy our time together.

I love our friendship. And I love the sizzle that continues to burn between us.

2 thoughts on “I Ask Him About His Day

  1. It’s great that both of you are sharing quality time together, and still show affection openly. But the best thing between the both of you is that you both still listen. A lot of couples think that the reason they lost touch with each other is because they aren’t sharing enough time together. But if you don’t really listen, all the other things you do together is for not. People say they listen, but what they are listening for is a break to speak to say what’s on their mind. Yes they heard your voice, they were looking at right at you, but they weren’t really listening. I just went through that episode with my spouse. I noticed it, and purposely would stop her in the middle of saying something and ask her want did I just say. She never heard the conversation I was having with her. I also was doing that to her. We are now working on the correction….

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    1. Very good points. Thanks for pointing that out. I’m glad you are working on this with your spouse… 🙂

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