I feel controversial today. I was reading this post about financial dominance…
It is one of my kinks. I like it as a submissive and I like it as a dominant. I like it more as a dominant.
As a submissive, I like the idea of giving unconditionally…of being vulnerable…of being watched over…of being accountable to someone who loves me. I like feeling at the mercy of someone I love and who has my best interests at heart…I would like to have to ask permission to spend my money…but it’s not a kink I’ve ever manifested in a relationship. It’s just never happened.
As a dominant, I enjoy guiding a person toward solvency and good financial habits. I did have this dynamic with my former husband. I guided us toward solvency together and it was very satisfying. I never got to share the other side of this though…and that’s the fact that I get off on the idea of being paid to be pleasured. It’s a huge fantasy. This fantasy has spurred all kinds of erotic fiction writing on a private level over the years of my adulthood. About 4 or 5 years ago, I came close once to fulfilling this fantasy with a submissive who was in my life for about a year…but we didn’t make it all the way down that particular isle. Emotionally, that dynamic was incredibly fun for me…but unfulfilling because it never quite came to fruition as an established, open relationship that could grow because of distance and time.
I even get off on the energy exchange of sexual exchange for money. Once, I got to fulfill this fantasy under the guise of giving a massage to an established lover. He made an official appointment with me and had come over for a massage after hurting his back. When we finished the massage, he pushed me down, fucked me and then tossed the cost of the massage at me. He left after with no other words. I had fun with that. It was a fantasy fulfillment for us both…
Financial power exchange is a kink. I think it’s a valid kink. I was glad to see this article I linked above. It isn’t a kink that’s widely accepted, nor discuss nicely…but I stand here saying that it’s my kink and I own it. It is not dirty or abusive. It’s a power exchange that’s consensual and it can be very loving and erotic. The kink community doesn’t tend to think of two people sharing finances within an established relationship as damaging. They don’t blink at all about that same financial situation within a power exchange. But if it’s part of a power dynamic it’s not seen as a kink but as abuse… That’s too bad…because it could be healthy and fun in the right circumstances. Like most kinks, it’s inherently dangerous for all kinds of reasons…but if it’s consensual and done with risk awareness, why is it any different from any other kink?
Financial power exchange hasn’t been my way of conducting my life with the exception of the exchange in my marriage…but not for lack of zingy desire…
I don’t live my life and manifest this kink because one form is illegal and I don’t want that kind of trouble in my life. In terms of the other forms of my kink, I don’t manifest this because I’ve never met anyone who wants to share the kink…or if I did, they didn’t follow through.
Also, there’s a kind of chaos that seems to go along with those few folks who have been forthright with me about having this kink…it seems that some of the stigma about this kink is valid because it’s often blatantly obvious that often those attracted to it seem to be very chaotic people. I’m not attracted to that at all.
I’m attracted to peaceful, happy, independent people. Nevertheless…there’s my kink. Despite my peaceful nature, I do still feel a zingy desire for a sexual/financial submissive…and sometimes I still desire a financial dominant.
Not because I’m needy in some way or unable to stand on my own financially…but because it’s a kink and it seems like a fulfilling exchange on many levels.