I have a pile of things to be doing…such as putting away laundry, dishes, piles of reading for classes…I could go on. Writing feels compelling today though. I miss it. I’ve missed the creative expression, the rhythm of typing my thoughts. I’ve missed feeling words compose themselves in me just so. Needless to say, I’ve been doing quite a bit of it today. None of it is especially beautifully written. Mostly it’s been sharing what’s been going on or what’s been on my mind. I’ve written about a creative project I was involved in. That got posted on my real name blog that’s associated with my real name Facebook page. I wrote about some dreams and visions, some stuff that happened here at the house, some interactions I’m mulling over with some friends that are new to me, but not to Remus’s wife. I posted that on a private blog. Each time, I just opened a post editor and began to type. I’ve done the same here. I’ve no idea what will come out of me. I’m just letting stream of consciousness express on the page.
Sometimes that’s been my greatest writing. I had to cut out portions of blathering, but gems came out of it.
The thing that is crystalline in my mind just now is a feeling paired with an image. It’s of Remus hard and joined with me. The emotional experience of being close to him. Laughing as he’s tickling me or teasing me. Squealing as he’s biting me. Seeing his eyes full of expression as he gazes at me. The feeling of his skin against mine. The feeling of juiciness that his hardness causes in me. The feeling of fullness…of fulfillment because of a simple joining. It’s not about the orgasm, though those are nice and certainly a part of the experience… No. It’s just the visceral, blessed connection between us…the sense of being open and without contrivances or barriers or defensiveness. The complete sense of welcome and being touched and honored.
My words are inadequate to such moments. I am simply grateful I can use the plural about that experience.