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I have been appreciating of late. I have been thinking deeply. No especial reason, just contemplating how beautiful, ephemeral and precious life is. I appreciate it. I look at the trees’ stolidity that seems so permanent to most people… and marvel at how few winters I’ve seen in the course of the history of the earth. I watch and smile at the contentment of my old cat as he sleeps. I stare at Remus and appreciate him. I look at his skin and how it shows his age and also his youth. I look at his eyes, so full of his wonderful intellect and humor. I watch him working on puzzles, thinking about work or teasing me about some silly thing. He likes to pretend to be fierce and grumpy and makes goofy faces at me. We both laugh about it. It’s incredibly silly. There’s nothing urbane or clever about it really…just innocent, affectionate and playful. We never seem to tire of the goofy jokes we make. I think the delight in each other glows in a way that excludes boredom.

Last night he came home to tell me that he’d got a compliment from someone about me. He’d gone some place I normally go with him the past few months. The others there had missed me and one in particular said she really liked me. He seemed very proud that others appreciated me.

I go around my life enjoying it’s over all tranquility. It reminds me of something. Years ago, life tended to trend toward lots of crisis and unhappiness. I used to look around at the lives of a couple friends. They had incredible happy, calm lives. Really happy lives. Their challenge in life had to do with noticing that and remaining appreciative of it. I used to look at them and be very happy for them. I used to want my life to be happy and tranquil like that.

Now it is. I smile at myself because I don’t have the challenge of remaining grateful for it. When I wasn’t so happy, gratitude was my tool for remaining sane. It’s actually hard for me to forget to be grateful. My daily challenge doesn’t have to do with anyone else. It’s very simple. It’s to do yoga. To just do it without interruption to that routine…to not have or make excuses. That’s the root of my happiness. It must be watered with my effort or it will wither. My life with Remus is the reward, the frosting on my newly gluten-free cake.

I look at Remus and marvel at my blessings, not because they aren’t exactly what I wanted or expected life would hand me if I let it…but because it’s simply so beautiful and so ephemeral. Love and happiness is gorgeous. It’s splendid and amazing. And we are mortal. We grow old and our time is so brief. I can count to fifty in less than a minute. Living that same number of years is infinitesimal in the life span of the universe. That’s what makes Life, my life, so full of grace. I’m glad to be here and enjoying it. I don’t want to miss a moment of it.

That’s why I sit and look at things really deeply and see all that grace as deeply and as fully as I can.

Life is good.

And that’s as sexy as it can ever, ever get. This feeling about life is what makes me want Remus so much. I look at him and feel this juicy about life and I think only of savoring his smile, the warm sparkle in his eyes, the hardness of his cock, and the sound of his breathing beside me, the warmth of his skin against mine.

People come here to read about sex…but happiness? That’s just as sexy as it gets and sexy, for me, is about everything. It’s about brushing my teeth, cleaning the cat box, washing the dishes…and about giving Remus a blowjob that he’s bragging about to himself days later. It’s all the same Life…all the same joy…all the same.

I want to approach it all with gusto.

A good word, gusto. It is about digesting things that are yummy.

Happiness and appreciation of that happiness is true nourishment.

Yep. Life is good.

 

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