Everyone has relationship fears. Everyone has fears for that matter. Fears get smaller when we name them…just like they’re a balloon and stuck a pin in them…
This post has been in the draft box for about a year. Just never got round to it. Found it today looking for something else. It seems auspicious to do some fear busting…
What if she’s prettier than me?
What if he likes her more?
What if her puss feels better than mine?
What if she is better in bed?
What if she’s a better conversationalist?
What if he gets bored?
What if I get replaced?
What if I disappoint him or he gets really mad at me while she comes up smelling like a rose?
What if I get really excited about someone else and he feels left out? What if he rejects me because I’m attracted to someone?
What if he feels betrayed or I feel betrayed by something? Are we strong enough together to weather that?
These kinds of fears hit most poly folk sooner or later and to one degree or another.
These fears are why I often feel polyamory can be a distraction from other things in my life I find really important. I have a low tolerance for stress…so I often think it’s more comfortable and simpler to be monogamous than poly. It is not that I lack courage or belief in the poly lifestyle. It’s not that I don’t have the personality for it…its just that when things are sour with my partner or metamour, I find it very stressful…and my health doesn’t like stressful very much.
I love polyamory when relationships are placid, fun and loving. Finding the right mix of personalities is challenging…but that’s true of monogamy too. Polyamory can be warm and loving…wonderful…and on a multiplicity level. It is enlivening to have so much loving going around.
I feel that relationships are fine in either form. I don’t need one or another form to be happy. I’m interested in happy relationship. That’s my lifestyle choice.
Dealing with fears, no matter which kind of relationship I have is a matter of personal responsibility and a matter of personal maturity and growth.