I’m up late. Reading…writing.
This caught my eye. The particulars of anal sex wasn’t what was alluring to me, it was the story of exploring taboo sexual subjects…or exploring things desired, but feel reticent about because of embarrassment. It was alluring to read of a submissive being pushed and over powered about things that arouse her, but made her feel a bit afraid or a bit ashamed. I liked reading that she was forced to admit her desire and willingness and that she came because she liked what they did…but also because she was made to admit that pleasure and desire.
It doesn’t arouse me to be utterly humiliated or to have hard limits or trust breached…but it does arouse me intensely to have a dominant ferret out those things I desire but can’t get myself to ask for. Sometimes I don’t ask because I’m embarrassed. Mostly I don’t ask because I want to be overwhelmed with surprise… want to be delighted with his imagination…overwhelmed with his insight…overcome with his desire to watch me squirm…I want him to make it so I can’t help myself.
It is not easy for me to admit those things to Remus.
Occasionally, I still make myself do so because I know I’m hiding from him and I feel that’s a betrayal of my submission to him.
He takes gentle advantage of whatever I share. He’s slow to push hard because he wants to keep my trust…but he finds a way to playfully push me.
When he pushes, I respond. We are both delighted by that.