Okay…Guess we need a sexy update…or at least a relationship one. Remus and I had a bumpy few weeks. He’s been feeling some pressure. There’s demands on him physically with all the remodeling. He’s not finding it as easy to recover as he used to. He’s going through some significant changes in his life personally and professionally. The stress was making him feel a bit withdrawn…which I was feeling hurt about. At least I was for a while. We had some good talks and understand each other better. I’ve given him more alone time and he’s been giving me more time when he’s very present and playful. It’s a better balance. I think we’ve both feeling more relaxed about how we’re relating…and there’s been more sex.
Sex between us is briefer than I’d like, but it’s certainly less so when he’s got time and can really relax. We have put the orgasm control aside for the moment because his body is sore from some injuries that aren’t healing up as quickly as they once might have. I can relate to that. My shoulder is still injured and it’s been about two months. These are the challenges of getting older. It is what it is.
In the quietude of my time alone, I’m rediscovering making love to myself. Sometimes I like it. Sometimes it feels a bit lonesome…but I’m more comfortable having control over when and how long I can orgasm…and it feels better to have autonomy about the process if we aren’t going to have much time for intimacies. And I say that with the caveat that Remus pointed out: We have sex 3 or 4 times a week still. More than most people on average.
Sex is a very spiritual thing for me. It is emotional, intellectual and sensual. It isn’t just a genital experience. It isn’t just about the act of intercourse or some other sexual activity either. It is the creative synergy of a physical body living life naturally. Fucking, eating, praying, sleeping…it’s all a part of my soul expressing itself through the life process…and that’s sexy. I’ve taken up yoga again in the past month. My body is feeling more toned and I’m feeling gradually stronger and healthier despite my shoulder injury. I feel more attuned to my sensuality and sexuality…and more in control of it too. It isn’t pushing me like it was before the last month.
In any case…When we do have sex, though it may be brief, sex with Remus is just as juicy and charged with love as it ever has been in the year and a half we’ve been together.
This whole thing has made me realize something yet again though…There’s several keys to deep levels of submission. It is the combination of things…not just one thing. One is orgasm control, another is rewards, and the last are the myriad acts of sensuality that are dominant toward that I respond to. When they are present, I desire to be used, to serve, to give blow jobs, to give unconditionally, to surrender…In the absence of these on a regular basis, I will revert to my normal self…Dominant…saucy, opinionated, expecting to be given to equally on a sexual, intellectual or emotional level…and I’m not all that subservient. I’m just as likely to tell Remus what to do as ask his opinions. I do well to at least be comfortably deferential as a peer. I think that Remus is missing that deep submissiveness…Unfortunately it just doesn’t come natural to me without certain triggers in place on a daily basis. Last night, he brought me his collar that I’d forgotten in the bathroom from showering earlier in the day. It made me smile and it was comforting and comfortable for us both to enjoy the usual dynamic between us for a bit. I loved that…
We’ll either find new ways to enjoy this power exchange as we age or we’ll get back into our groove. Either way, there’s two very happy people living here in Dora-and-Remus-land