Edge play means three things in my relationship.
It might mean that he’s got out his hunting knife and is teasing my skin lightly with it, or even leaving some scratches with the back of the blade which will feel stingy for a shower or two the next few days.
It could mean that we’re doing something somewhat dangerous, like blood restriction (a form of “breath play”) or fire play.
It might refer to things one or the other of us tend to feel very emotional about or things that we’ve agreed are limits that need special treatment. Limits are things that we might, under special circumstances, be willing to play with…while Hard Limits are things we won’t allow at all.
This image brings up deep emotions in me. It plays to many fears…the fear of being suffocated (I’ve had pillows held over my face), the fear of being devalued, the fear of not being heard, of not mattering.
But it also plays to sizzling arousal too. It touches on that very real need/desire to be objectified. Putting something over my face makes me anonymous…It takes away His viewpoint of my face/my identity…therefore I become a fuckhole. His fuckhole.
This is the thing about bdsm play that makes me tingle. It touches fears as well as arousal. It touches dark places in the soul. It can heal them. It can make them into something erotic and beautiful. It can make them into toys for pleasure…Fears are dis-empowered and self-esteem is affirmed in this interesting backward way…because my identity is self-determined, not determined by fabric or its placement. It is determined by self love and love from Remus…not by whether he desires to use me for his own pleasure sometimes in a power exchange…and in fact, our trust in each other to share that power exchange enhances trust in myself.
But it is a dangerous path because too much of anything can make fear or humiliation too huge and tip the scales away from healthiness and so inflict emotional pain or damage trust. It is a fine line.
Today it is feeling appealing.
Scary…but very, very appealing.
It takes skill and it takes intimacy and self-knowledge to play responsibly together this way.
I am not sure I could let him put fabric over my head…but I might be able to do it for us first…if I heard his voice in my ear the whole time…and if I could breathe comfortably.
That’s what is meant by special circumstances.
Yep…that would really jazz up the fuckhole play for me…