When we- figuratively speaking -are young, we don’t realize how important compatibility is. We, in our infatuation, embrace new relationship energy without thought to whether these attributes, habits and attitudes in this person we feel such adoration for are ones that will still be charming a decade from now.

I married two of the most irritating men I could find simply because I was charmed.

I still care for them both as human beings…as people I shared my life with. I don’t want to live with them. They are utterly unsuitable for me.

Loving someone does not necessarily mean you can be happy living with them…or even spending any significant time together.

As a mature woman, I understand that about loving and compatibility. Life might have been much less stressful for me if I’d understood this at a young age…even at a younger age than now. It took two marriages to understand that behavior which rubs a person raw emotionally is going to erode a relationship over time, no matter how loving and accepting you can be. Loving someone doesn’t make it tolerable to have certain behaviors present in your life day in and day out.

So here I am with Remus. I’ve never met a more compatible person, a person so without irritating idiosyncrasies. Even those things I prefer he did differently aren’t serious irritations. They aren’t mostly because he cares about me and tries to avoid being annoying about those things…just as I try to avoid being annoying to him.

He leaves newspapers and other kinds of papers around. I let water run in the sink when I”m not using it. It’s that sort of thing…We both procrastinate in ways that could easily frustrate each other…but neither of these ways are things we can’t live happily with each other about…that we’ll find ourselves wanting to snipe at each other about.

And very often we tease each other about things we very much admire in each other. Remus is forever teasing me about my temper. Mostly because he knows I have one, but I manage it with maturity and love…and it amuses him to watch me wiggle when I’m still annoyed about anything. It helps me find my humor even faster so I don’t mind it at all. On the other hand, I love how incredibly conscious he is of good hygiene. He washes his hands before everything. He doesn’t use his clothes as napkins. He always looks so neat and ready to go into a nice place to eat. He doesn’t trail any mess into the house and if he does because he has no choice, he cleans it up. I love that about him…so I feel free to tease him about, in his extraordinary cleanliness, he can wear the same pair of pants several times because he simply doesn’t get things dirty. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen the man drop food or anything on his clothing the whole time I’ve known him. One cannot say the same thing about me.

I find the ways that we are different are ways that I can learn from; that I can admire; that I can laugh about. I view that as a mature, thoughtful reason to have a relationship. Love should be the guiding component, but a compatible friendship has to be the most pervading experience of the relationship. I’m very grateful to have that with Remus.

Hey Remus…! What do you think about a doily for your dick?

Don’t mind me over here snickering…

 

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