Today was one of those days when I felt like I should go home, get back in bed, sleep another hour and then try again. For instance, I was going to have a fasting blood test today. I knew this. I got up out of bed and got Remus’s breakfast ready…and juuuust… kinda… went on automatic pilot…. I ate.

Once I ate, I didn’t feel any better in terms of auto pilot behavior. I was all ready to get back in bed and enjoy my book before a little nap. Remus reminded me that I was “taking him [sic] to work right?” Of course I’d forgotten that if I was going to get to borrow his truck so I could keep my appointments, I’d have to delay going back to sleep…Nope. Mentally I was ready to go back to sleep. Nevertheless, I went out the door in my sarong and tshirt and nothing else and dropped him off, looking doofy as all hell.

Then I got up and saw myself in glasses and my nice leather collar in the mirror. I thought, “Take off the leather collar.” I took my glasses off (which I normally wash in the shower and so didn’t need to take off) instead. Since I’d laid something on the counter top by the sink, mentally I’d done my job. I got in the shower and felt the leather collar getting wet. (Huge sighs…) My glasses never did get their bath.

On the way to my appointments, I kept finding people did stupid things, like dart across two lanes of oncoming traffic to the third turning lane, and leaving their ass end hanging out in the fast lane…with less than 6 feet to spare before getting hit by moving traffic! Once I was following a Uhaul over by the North End. He put his left signal on to turn into the Uhaul office. A cop wanted to make a left out of the convenience store that’s beside the Uhaul, only she’s taken up the entire fricken entrance to the store, so the guy in the oncoming lane can’t turn in to the convenience store and just sits there waiting for the cop to make her left turn…which she can’t because I’m sitting behind the left turning Uhaul truck…so here’s a bunch of people just sitting here waiting for someone to fuckin’ move and no one can…and now more waiting. Finally the cop see’s me cussing and changes her mind about going left and turns right instead. Thank you! Somebody else named Uhaul can fucking move now!

Then there’s this idiot in a jeep who just can’t seem to make up his mind what he’s doing. He drives almost 10 miles below the speed limit in groups of traffic (obviously preventing anyone from going around him), but speeds up to 5 miles over the speed limit when he’s got a sense of space (meaning whatever opportunities there might have been for getting around his ass rapidly disappear unless someone gets radical and therefore unsafe…which is not me)..I repeat!….generally resulting in no one being able to pass him…and he makes turns like he’s driving an 18 wheeler = wide and slow…entirely too wide and too slow for a fucking suv! I somehow got behind this idiot in two places in town and there was no change in driving habits either time.

I shall spare you mentioning all the other small instances of indecisive, rather unsafe driving decisions that also happened, since you’ve got my point already.

Then I get to my friend’s house and realize she’s suddenly voted me her taxi this morning. And since I was late because of this non- blood test appointment for seeing her, that means if she’s to make her appointment, I’ll have to forgo getting my mail be fore I do taxi service. And of course, traffic is so heavy ( and full of stupid slow people) that I can’t get my mail afterward because traffic is still heavy and I only have enough time to get to my own appointment now…the second one of the day. I do that. It’s pleasant and I’m feeling far less irritated. Until I get out to the car and find there’s still no time to get my mail before I get back for my blood test which is in the polar opposite direction from my mail. Each are about 30 minutes from where I sit. And I’d have my mail already had I just fasted when I was supposed to.

So I do my best to hurry to the blood test because if I don’t make it there before noon, they’ll be closed for lunch until 1:30…Obviously this cranky woman needs to eat now…so let’s get a move on!

Did I mention that Friday traffic pisses me off?

Not always…but often it does. People get stupid and annoying when driving on Fridays. Other days of the week, annoying and stupid is the exception rather than the rule, but idiots seem determined to make use of their weekly errands outing time to make the roads unsafe for everybody else…and then there’s those who grow impatient enough to do more than get pissed off. They drive like their car is a weapon and just dart around causing people to make panic stops because they feel entitled and didn’t leave early enough to get where they are going without doing stupid things….

By the end of the morning, I was growling and yelling at the back of people’s heads as if I were fully convinced they could hear and obey. ” Will you fucking turn already!!??” “Will you fucking move?!!’ “Get the fuck off the road?!” JeeezusFuckingChrist will you fucking make up my mind already!!!?” Do you think that Jesus will be pissy with me for “What the fuck are you doing?! You turn like an old blind woman!” using his name in such a ridiculous fashion? I was using like a verbal pry-bar after all…as in “get the hell out of the way!!”  I should be careful with that one. I might be an old woman some time…Soon.

I should mention that “fuck” figures very largely in my angry moments…but does not figure at all in any of the rest of my life.

My mother remarked once that the word fuck feels good rolling off the tongue. It was my quintessential “Mom noticed I’m all grown up” conversation when I was 25. I decided I liked the word fuck after that.

When I start hearing fuck come out of my mouth and it doesn’t relate to a happy conversation about Remus or toys, then I know I need to eat and/or meditate very badly.

Luckily lunch cured my crankiness…I’m laughing heartily at myself whilst I write this…and all this giggling is post a really nice bit of meatloaf and mushroom gravy, with some carrots and coconut cream pie on the side.

Napping is another remedy for the fuck word. Which is where I’m going right now, rather than doing the fucking dishes…. Night all…

 

 

2 thoughts on “Poking fun at myself…

    1. Thank you. I liked it too. 🙂 Actually…I was laughing today because Conor started bitching about someone too….and after he was complaining about how crabby I was yesterday. It’s unusual for me to have any temper at all really…just about driving. I suppose it’s a microcosm of remaining control issues to look at. LOL!

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