For future reference for Remus and I…. DiamondDave’s “Rules for a 3sum” (must log in to view):
1) Before engaging someone for a 3-some, make sure you and your partner are on REALLY FUCKING SOLID RELATIONSHIP GROUND! You will not “Fix” anything with a 3-some.
2) Identify what you and your partner want from the experience. Whether it’s watching one with someone new, or having someone else watch the two of you, having someone double team one or both of you, or double teaming someone else. Or something else entirely. Not a check list of what you want to do, but rather a hope/goal list.
3) Whether a friend or stranger, make sure the guest is aware of what level of interaction or emotional commitment before and after is acceptable. E.g. one off friendly fuck, fling with a stranger, no numbers (maybe not names) exchanged, or an ongoing occasional guest star role in an established relationship. Or a trial run for a permanent addition to your relationship.
4) Treat the guest like a person. It’s not a stunt cock/cunt you’ve got, it’s a real person with needs and desires and hopes of their own. Not a toy to be used and discarded. This person is doing a favor for you for reasons of their own. Make sure they are appropriately compensated (not money, unless you hired a professional, but other satisfactions) for their service.
5) Discuss personal hygiene and safety. What fluids are acceptable to exchange, and how? Spit is a fluid. So is sweat, and both contain pathogens. What is your acceptable level of risk, discussed with your partner as well as the guest. What safety measures are you going to take?
6) Make sure everyone gets at least one orgasm. Seriously, major faux pas if you don’t get this one. If, for physical or mental reasons, an orgasm is unable to be reached, it should not be through lack of trying or laziness, and said person should still be sexually satisfied.
7) Don’t kiss them on the lips. Ha! Just kidding, kiss them anywhere the fuck you want to, but make sure everyone is on the same page with where and what you kiss. Keep #5 in mind during this.
8) Have fun! Sex is Srs Bsns! ™, so make sure you laugh A LOT during your 3-some.
Seemed like a good list to consider or adopt….
At this point (as of this writing that is), I should mention that I struggle a bit with jealousy where Remus is concerned. It’s a first for me. I’ve never experienced this before emotionally. I am watching myself and contemplating it…It interests me because it’s such a foreign emotion for me most of the time. I don’t consider it a threat to me to feel this way. I feel it is a calling for me to understand myself and our relationship thoroughly and to address whatever I learn. Sometimes his means clearer boundaries, or inserting traditions for how I’m dealt with surrounding playing with others, or to manage an insecurity that our relationship brings to the forefront of my consciousness.
I believe it will make me a better partner and a more secure, happy person to examine this…so I try on the idea of intimate play partners with Remus here. It is something I want. When/if the time comes. We may choose never to open our relationship on an intimate level. Perhaps we’ll only have bottoms at parties and no sex at all, ever. We’ve not decided yet.
Sometimes Remus tests the waters mentally and emotionally though. And so do I.
The other day, he remarked that he might give me to someone to fuck. I don’t remember the initial sentence he used in full, but that was the gist of it. I took him seriously. He’s got mixed feelings about even sharing me with another woman, let alone another man. I asked him if he were truly serious about ever doing that. He said, he thought he would if he didn’t think he could take care of me sexually.
I didn’t have any thought in my head other than, I hope to never come to a moment when we aren’t able to be intimate together. I adore the intimacies with him. Fucking someone as his submissive is different for me. It is a kind of demonstration of his dominance to do that…it is a kind of service to give him…It is a kind of kink to share. It may be a kind of expression of being polyamorous…It is a way of expressing love for him which is free of jealousy or control…a way of increasing the intensity of that love exponentially because if intimacy is shared with someone we’re fond of, suddenly the room is glowing and there’s a beauty that’s inexpressible to share.
But intimacy with him is a priceless expression of my love for him. I’d be incredibly sad if this way of expressing my love for him was unavailable to me.
I’m grateful for each moment I can share that expression…so my mind didn’t have any words for responding to his remark.
Mostly because another man’s cock or another man cannot replace him even a teensy bit…and not for an instant. It may make me cum, which would serve a certain need, but it could not fix the loss of such a priceless expression.