And yet, I have words exploding out of me.

We have an announcement…and I have a bit of a rant…Fairly warned.

Wow…Huge changes here. Sad ones. Remus and his wife made it official last night. They decided to officially announce their decision to separate. She’s moving out next month. I guess she’s renting a room from her paramour and is going to begin moving things and her cat even before this official moving date.

I thought I’d be jumping for joy. I guess a part of me is intensely happy that there’s light at the end of this tunnel of hostility.

But I’m sad for Remus and for Bellatrix. It is sad to see them both hurting…and he is hurting very much.

And he’s angry too. He’s just choosing not to fight with her…or to tell her all his reasons for letting her go, which she’s heard before anyway and never changed her behaviors when he protested before so it’s seemed pointless to say any more about any of it. His silence is not an indication of his emotions though. He feels it just won’t help anything. And his emotions regarding hurt and anger continue to be compounded by her behavior….which (seems to) never cease to be rejecting and alienating. She is one of those personalities who cuts her nose despite her face when she doesn’t get her way or when she’s really upset. And then when she’s doing something utterly alienating in her anger she gets even more angry that she didn’t get the next response she expected. The more of an ass she acts, the more silent and withdrawn he gets. That’s his response to hurt and abuse…

This morning he woke up and found his real name splashed all over fetlife…and she took him off her friends lists. He’s very pissed about that. She seems determined to make this as unpleasant and as public as possible. Outing him is seriously bad form.

It is not the first time she’s decided to make her version of events public. She has a former friend of mine convinced of “our abusive decision” to pursue each other despite her wishes…which is an utterly ludicrous claim given her behaviors to the contrary. She’s been complicit in this whole experience together and she knows it. She’s done openly supportive things such as confirming us as a couple whilst she confirms herself as a couple with her own paramour at public events and within the context of friendly conversations. This, as recently as January and February this year when she was ordering up hotel rooms with Remus and I slotted to share a room together, while she shared a room with her paramour. I’m not talking just a singular or occasional thing. I might add that he never once expected such a thing either. (We could easily have got a room set up that allowed for three private spaces.) I’m saying she’s confirmed Remus and I to attend events together without us necessarily even firming up that we were going as a couple rather than him attending with his wife. And sometimes these instances were several times a month!

All this while she protests that she’s being betrayed and I’m pushing her out of her nest?

Pfft!! Nope! Not while she’s gone to parties, events and private play parties with her paramour every month for the last year and was gone sometimes for weeks without even stopping by her home. I’ve personally observed that in the past year that she was rarely home more than two days a week when she did come home. Regularly! Next to such behaviors this protestation of betrayal is really bull shit! To protest this isn’t what she wants and he’s betraying her…?

She seems to forget that doing this leaves some serious mixed messages at best and that at worst, they just look like meaningless guilt trips because she wasn’t getting something she wanted. What’s really true?!

And….and…and. I could rant on about this and that, but what’s the point? They called it quits. While I’m angry at her, I am sad for her too. Its sad; really, really sad that we all went down this path.

I’m sad too that I made decisions that helped bring us here. I regret I let her talk me into renting rooms from them now. I should have got my own place. We might have still ended up here, but I’d not have had the stress of being here these past months and perhaps she and I would not have become enemies over it.

I’m sad and really tired of feeling angry.

End rant.

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