Yesterday, I was assigned the task of taking his vehicle for inspection today. I make mention of it simply because the last time he needed help with a vehicle maintenance appointment, (a few months ago) he asked me if I was willing to help. I was very happy to help of course. He shares his vehicle with me after all. This time, I was assigned the task. It is a small sign of our developing power dynamic. I am very glad that he doesn’t take me for granted as a person, nor take my efforts for granted…but I am very glad that he assumes he has the right to assign me a task and trusts that I’ll carry it through as directed.
There’s still chafing at times with being submissive so much in my life. I’m a very dominant person. I sometimes wonder if there’s parts of myself, or aspects of my life which are not being developed or which are developing more slowly because of my choice to be submissive in the relationship I have with Remus.
I do think that I need more expression of the dominant aspects of my nature…I need outlets for leadership, for guiding others, for being served. That doesn’t necessarily mean having another partner. It could be leadership in work or volunteerism, or mentoring someone with an issue in their life. Even with being served, I can enjoy eating out at a restaurant with a great waiter or get a massage from a friend. How it comes to me is less important than having the experiences I need in my life.
Balance is my ongoing goal in life.
Despite occasional chaffing for dominant experience, I never feel any urge to change my dynamic with Remus. I love it just as it is. I am glad to take tasks off his plate and take care of them. It is very satisfying to please him, to show him I love him.