I had a fabulous day today. I didn’t do anything unusual. It was just a good day. I went to my job for a few hours. I learned some stuff and enjoyed the process of what I was doing. I went to an appt to rehab my ankle. I did some walking. I did some writing. It was lovely to feel my mind composing while I was doing other things. I feel a vitality in me that I haven’t felt all winter. I went out to dinner with Remus. It was yummy. Then we went and got an cone together. That was yummy too. Now he’s reading and I’m writing again. I’ve got a candle lit, enjoying the soft light and the warmth of a spiritual moment. Nothing’s really changed, but I feel good.

Yesterday was a hard day. I struggled all day with my emotions. By the time Remus got home, I was starting to feel less morose emotionally, but I as still struggling. We spoke at length about our circumstances. We discussed some options and he’s considering them. It’s not for me to say ultimately. Nothing is decided at all yet. Nothing more has been discussed about starting to pack. I got the application for the apartment in the mail today…and the boxes and totes are still in the garage.

I got up and did my day and I felt a smile all day at life, at my muse chattering away so merrily with writing to do. I’m grateful and happy…despite the stress, the self doubt, the fear of loss, the sadness that washes through me like a wave. Gratitude and happiness are the all pervading experience.

Besides…Did I mention that I got a spanking last night?

Remus is really, really good at them. I’m a lucky girl!

 

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