I sometimes struggle with self-doubt. It is one of the most difficult things I still deal with my ego about. I care very deeply about being good, being venerable. I want to live with certain ethics and be a certain person. When I fail or things just head down a road that I realize caused strife or hurt, I feel incredibly scared that I contributed to that. I go over and over each thing I might have done in my life and rake myself over the coals about it endlessly. Once I really get on a roll, then I double the impact by torturing myself about everything I may have ever done wrong.
This behavior is not necessarily about doing anything wrong in the first place either. Lot’s of times I did absolutely nothing wrong, but I am scared and sad about someone else’s pain and I torture myself over it. Sometimes I might have once done the wrong thing way back when in a whole other situation and circumstances now look so similar that I can’t help but wonder if I did something wrong now too.
Self doubt is ugly and it makes me irritable.
I am just coming out of a time of self-doubt.
What got me through is this quote:
“Even as a solid rock is unshaken by the wind, so are the wise unshaken by praise or blame.” The Dhammapada
This quote cuts a deep swath through that sea of self-doubt. That makes me smile with happiness.
Self kindness prevails in its wake.