tumblr_mvkp29xkKF1rrgft7o1_500I’ve been struggling with self-doubt for months as I’ve seen Bellatrix having a hard time with the emotional situations between Remus and her. I felt responsible.

I think I have a small responsibility for the situation…but I think that the responsibilities are between them…and that they are mostly on her shoulders, not his.

It is looking like I will be moving in the next month or two.

Remus doesn’t want to live with Bellatrix any more. He has not liked the person he’s seen the past few months. I feel sad this is so…

*sighs…*

I am also relieved he feels he doesn’t want her in his life. I have come to dislike her presence. I don’t despise her. I don’t feel hostile toward her…but I am hurt and a bit frustrated and angry…and I want to get out of here before it turns into hostility.

He wants to live with me. He wants to build a life with me. He loves me very much.

The feelings are very mutual.

I have never known anyone who is so compatible with me. I’ve loved some really wonderful men too…And I haven’t forgotten them.

But I am in love.

We don’t want to move away from each other. It just seems like the only thing to do because Bellatrix is being vindictive and territorial. What happened to polyamory? I think its possible she might calm down and be more reasonable if I move out…

In any case, we’re in a moment of change…

And I’m trying to keep myself focused in the ways that I do when in deep ritual or during meditation…to do that in my daily life irrespective of a meditative practice…so that I don’t get caught up in her hostility and vindictiveness…

Yesterday it was easier than it is today. I’m trying…

6 thoughts on “Softness Revisited

  1. This makes me sad a bit… I don’t like seeing you this stressed out and having to move again. If you need to talk you know where to find me/ how to reach me. I hope your week gets easier :).

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    1. At this point, it will be far less stressful for me to move than it is to deal with princess. And moving away from Obiwan is not forever. He’s pretty devoted. When he sells his house, he’ll be looking to move in again together most likely…

      Btw…She actually issued him an ultimatum for me to move out on Feb 1st. He’s ignored her. She’s issued another one and is more hostile about it…he’s concerned about her hostility toward me…he wants to protect me and thinks it would be best if I move for my own sake.

      Since he’s selling the house, moving is inevitable regardless of the timing…I’ll take my time in finding something suitable… No worries. *smiles*

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      1. Alright… I was just worried a bit… I care about you a lot and I don’t want to see you in a hostile environment. But it does sound toxic right now which isn’t good in general. I agree that moving may be the best and look at it this way… it sounds like the separation is only temporary.

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  2. I am so sorry this had to turn out like this… I know you would love to have it so very differently.

    On the other hand, I am so very happy you feel this way about him, and he about you.

    I hope and pray you will find the best possible way to handle this.

    “And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.”

    *smiles softly*

    Wishing you both all the love, patience, and wisdom.

    xxx

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    1. You are wonderfully supportive always…Thank you!!

      It seems that there’s two potential situations to consider. One is an unknown. Supposedly princess has some suggestion that’s a “compromise”. She’s got a date to talk to Obiwan on Tuesday next week. The other is that a friend is moving. The spot he’s living right now is with another mutual friend. I’ve inquired whether she might be interested in hosting me as a roommy for a bit. We’ll see…I’m sure all will be well. I sense the issue has already been resolved for me by the universe. I just have to wait and see what that is.

      I hope you are feeling better today?

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      1. You know, my dear friend, regardless of all the things we have been through, it always, always, made me smile to share these things… as we always. always, knew these things would be resolved by the universe… God, I’m rambling, but I do think you know what I mean. *smiles*

        I do feel so much better… I’m madly in love… I do feel a higher power at work in this thing… It does drive me nuts… yanno… the lot… *laughs*

        I do wish the temporarily thing works out.

        xxx

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