Remus and I made an agreement today. If we still feel the same way we do now, then after the Flea in February (a fetish event in RI), we will be making the nature of our power exchange public. That will involve changing our fetlife profile, wearing fetish wear where it is appropriate, talking openly about collaring on my blog, wearing a collar at home openly when only the three of us are home, stuff like that. Basically, we’ll stop being private and discreet in the context of our kink community and close friends. Slowly we’ve both been sharing our relationship with our closest friends, but not to the whole community. We’ve also been waiting to see what happens with Bellatrix and his wife; that is whether or not she will calm down and accept our love or not.
Right now, things are really in flux. Bellatrix wants a separation it seems. I am told succinctly that it’s not about me. She wrote him a note about 2 or 3 weeks ago and asked for it, then verbally took it back and then reaffirmed her note this week again. Remus is struggling to figure out what she actually wants and how he feels/what he wants too.
I am staying out of it. I’m just trying to be supportive.
He is not putting me in the middle and neither is she. Thank goodness! He is showing good boundaries emotionally with me. He’s not constantly upset. He’s not hiding in me. He’s not hiding from her. He’s being kind and patient with her. He’s being loyal. He’s unwavering in his devotion to both relationships. He is incredibly happy that I live here.
We bought snow shoes today so that we can enjoy being outdoors this winter together.
This feels like a healthy poly situation and relationship at this point. Phew!
I remarked to him today that I feel safe with him emotionally….that this is a very wonderful, sweet experience for me. A first. A blessing and I’m just savoring it. I can feel a quiet impulse…a habit energy nudging me. The habit says the other shoe will drop. Thankfully, it appears that nudge energy is very willing to just relax back into the pool of me and believe along with me about what’s true in my relationship with him. I could just as easily start worrying.
What a wonderful change for me. Never mind what’s going on with Remus. I can see myself changing…trusting. And that trust isn’t to do with him. It has to do with me. I can relax and know that no matter what happens, I am wonderfully happy and safe. I am whole and strong. I can pick wonderful people, emotionally intimate, loyal and devoted people to love. Any choice not to continue with Remus could not sway that belief in myself…and if I have a human moment and do feel that belief in myself shiver and quake, I know how to steady myself again.
Two more weeks of classes before winter break.
Wow…It will be soo good to have a real break. Remus and I are home alone together for about two weeks soon. His wife is going south for a while to see some family. We have a fun kink event coming up next weekend. It’s a kink auction. Should be incredibly fun. I am looking forward to it. We also plan to have dinner with some friends beforehand. Looking forward to that far more.