Sometimes, I imagine that your smiling face and beautiful brown eyes are looking at me that there’s solemnity and desire in them…that your hands are reaching behind my head to clip my collar to the bed frame. Sometimes I wonder how that will feel; to be leashed to our bed for your pleasure.
I imagine that I’ll feel a rushing heat go through me and that I’ll relax and giggle and worship your body and moan when you play with mine.
Sometimes I imagine that you actually start sending me lists of things I’m supposed to do for you when I masturbate. I shared that list with you, both as a lark and as a means to giving my blanket agreement for you to decide when and how I self pleasure…if at all.
It is a surrender I’ve never given happily to anyone else. I want to give that to you…I enjoy giving that to you…especially since you’ve seemed to want it. Having this much power to choose in my life isn’t something either of us is used to. I don’t know if actually using that power will be as fun for you as the idea of it. I guess time will tell. I don’t know how it will feel if you use that power in my life either. I am curious about it…and thrilled. I hope you do it because I want to find out how it feels to have a game of Simon says with self pleasuring. With you.
Sometimes I think about giving you a spa day…touching your whole body, making you feel relaxed and good. I think about lavishing love on every bit of you and then giving your cock worshipful service. I do love to feel you push your cock into my throat. It makes my esophagus ache and the sensation stays there for a long while afterwards…so does the sensation of movement from your cock rubbing against my tongue and the roof of my mouth. It is arousing. It’s arousing also when I feel your focus and energy change…that you become intent on cumming and on making me the receptacle for your pleasure. Your powerful hands grip me and love shoots from your cock up into my heart center and I feel myself open to you.
Sometimes it makes tears of happiness well up in me…I want to sing and to sigh…I feel such a smile all over.
Sometimes, I think about holding a woman against my breasts, kissing her, feeling her the rhythm of her movement as she meets your thrusting body, listening to your breathing as you fuck her…thinking about love swirling between the three of us…Sometimes it is me that is under you, her fingers on my clit, her mouth on my nipples, your eyes looking down into mine as I cum under you, legs wrapped around you…I think that sharing a woman with you could be one of the most beautiful experiences of my life if we ever find someone we could feel happy and relaxed being with…
Sometimes this desire is strong in me…and I wonder if it will ever happen. It is the one erotic fantasy; the one emotional desire I’ve never fulfilled in my life. I have always wanted to love a woman passionately. I’ve never had the courage to. I’ve never found a woman I’d feel that way about either…I’ve never trusted a man to share that with me either, not even for the moments when I’ve found a potential woman lover. It wouldn’t feel good if it weren’t a mutually wonderful experience for everyone…I think it could be that way with you though. Very much so.
Sometimes I have this desire to be marked by you. Sometimes I wonder how it would feel to be walked around in some very revealing article of clothing and a collar and leash. Sometimes I wonder how I’d feel if you decided to make me cum in front of others or to fuck me in front of others. Sometimes I yearn to put a movie on, feel your ropes on my skin as you tie me and then curl up on the bed all tied up and cuddling in your arms. Sometimes I think about you cutting me with your knife. You seem to like scratching me hard, leaving your marks on my skin, but you are upset if you poke me accidentally. Would you feel aroused by that deliberate act of cutting? Sometimes I think about you putting needles in me. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if you decided to pierce my labia like that woman in the picture I sent you recently. I don’t think I want my larger labia pierced like that…but I wouldn’t mind the smaller ones…what would it feel like emotionally or physically to be tied closed with ribbons or hardware and having to ask permission to pee? Sometimes I think about you deciding I should have a tattoo or a brand and picking out a mark together. Sometimes I think that I want badly to be collared formally in front of our friends. Sometimes I just love our privacy.
I know you’ve heard lots of these fantasies before.
It feels good to voice them like this though.
Sometimes I wonder where else our desires will take us in time. Do I really want these things? I don’t know. Are these desires healthy for me to actually act on? For us? For you? I don’t know. I think it is at least healthy to try them and see how we feel about it…