Well Remus has begun to put it on me every night.
It feels like a hug when he does that. I really like sleeping in it.
Night before last there was some stress going on at his house. He didn’t put it on me and it just felt wrong to put it on by myself. The stresses of the moment made me feel uncertain and it felt wrong to put it on. I missed wearing it.
Last night he didn’t get a chance to put it on and we said good night. I found myself cuddling up with the collar and then thought that was just silly, so I put it on. Immediately I felt hugged. He came in unexpectedly awhile later and remarked that he was glad I had put it on.
I love the fact that I don’t feel I have lost myself in this submission. I never feel that way with him. I always feel stronger and better around him. Its a blessing and having a collar on just feels like he’s hugging me. If I don’t have it all, I don’t feel like the hug is withdrawn either…but I do miss it.
Last night I went out with the girls. We did some “window shopping” and I found some lovely necklaces. It kinda surprised me that I looked at them and thought, “Wow…that would make a lovely collar.” The second time I did that, I made a mental note of the whole inner process. I thought that I should mention it to Remus, thinking it would amuse him…because he had wanted me to wear his collar at a kink community event recently. When he asked me to, I said that I didn’t want to risk upsetting his wife, who doesn’t seem ready for it. He accepted the idea, but noted aloud that his wife seemed perfectly comfy with wearing a collar without consulting him. I reminded him that whether or not she does it, doesn’t mean she’s ready to see a collar on me. She knows Remus well. She’d know that he takes such a gesture quite seriously and that such a public declaration would be an indication of incredibly deep feelings. I just thought it impolitic.
But I got thinking about his desire for me to wear his collar openly after shopping with my friends last night. We’ve spent a bit of cash on the rope we have. If we can do that, then perhaps we should spend $10 on something I can wear whenever and wherever he wants me to. As with the rope collar it can still be just between us for now, but we can share the joys of this kind of hug together without bothering anyone else.
And by the way…he isn’t hiding his feelings from her. He openly looks at me with deep love in his eyes any time, any where and has told his wife he loves me. But, knowing this and being comfortable seeing Remus hugging me or smiling at me fondly is not the same as me wearing a collar.
Anyway…It’s a fun thought. We are going to a kinky event this weekend. That should be fun. Perhaps there will be a moment when we can discuss this…