Yesterday afternoon, I was rewarded.

Remus and I have had other fun experiences that I don’t want to share with the whole world this past weekend as well.

One of the things is that he wanted me to wear the collar he made me at a recent fetish event.

I did not after all. We discussed it at length and decided that it wasn’t the right thing for us until his wife knows about the collar and feels comfy with it. Although she wears one in public, it does not mean she will feel okay with me wearing Remus’s collar in front of her friends.

It made me pretty happy that he wanted me to wear it though.

Besides that he and I did a lot more talking about me moving in over the past week.

He and his wife need to do a lot more talking before we make any final decisions.

I think that we all need some reassurances…but this is what Remus wants. He really wants to live with me. I’d really like to live with him. We are just unsure what his wife will feel comfy with. She is only here about two days a week. She spends most of her time with her own poly partner.

Remus wishes to give me a stable place to live and he wants to know he can spend more time with me. He wants to save on gas to see me. He wants to be where he can keep an eye on me. He wants to have more of my time and attention. He wants to have more income for the household because that will create more income for doing fun things for both his wife and himself. My rent would provide that. He would like my help with household chores too.

There’s lots of good reasons for doing this. My reasons are to give myself a comfy home with lots of room and to have my own bathroom. I want privacy and I’d have that here. I want a yard to sit in. I want to be close to nature. I want to be out of the city. I want to spend time with Remus. I want to live in a collective situation in which I can offer my time and attention to others for their benefit. I want to be backed up by others who care about me. Sometimes we need others. It is good to have a group dynamic sometimes. I would have the privacy of living alone and the benefits of living with others because I’d have a floor of the house all to myself.

Remus’s wife does not have any stake in this that I know of beyond the desire to have more income in the house and perhaps someone she can rely on to help her with things sometimes.

I do not know how she feels otherwise. I rarely see her. She is friendly and kind when I do see her. Sometimes I can sense unsettled emotions from her when she’s here. I don’t know if they have anything to do with me.

Remus said something to me that touched my heart yesterday.

He said that he wanted to take responsibility for being a dominant in my life.

He also said that he would not allow my heart to be broken.

I am touched that he said those things.

And also I still feel my independence as a person is strong despite the tenuousness of this situation between the three of us. I do not feel dependent on him emotionally. I don’t want him to fix me or rescue me. I am happy with the times that he is focused on his wife. I like that time to reflect and have time in silence. I love to devote that time to spending with friends and to not have any pull to focus on him when there’s homework.

It is sweet to me that there’s so much balance in me about this.

I am however feeling frayed about the living situations I’ve had this summer…

I really need some stability.

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