And this isn’t a statement about my problems with short term memory loss at times. This is about the nature of being human for me.
People forget their true nature.
One of the things that tells me is that a person who feels very separate has forgotten a lot about their own true nature.
A person who is fixated and lives according to habitual reactions has forgotten a lot.
She says that what we forget is that ‘we are the world’.
We are infinity.
It is the part about feeling separate which strikes me deeply.
I feel separate and lonely so much of the time. I feel unloved and doubt the love others have for me so often. I feel like an outside to frequently. I can feel alone in a room of people who love me. I can feel alone and not enough and unworthy in the arms of a man who adores me. I am so frightened so much of the time of loss of love and being abandoned that I push people away.
And when I don’t forget, I am frequently so in awe of who I really am, that I grow frightened of her and I want to deny that she’s real. I want to say that I’m not really that. Its too big, too wonderful…toooo.
Why can I not simply accept my value?
Why can I not simply accept and embrace and celebrate my true nature?
Why can I not trust in Love and in the love others feel for me?
In this stillness and silence, I come back to these questions. Questions I have contended with in other times and situations.
Perhaps it is why I must be still.
I need to remember.
I pray that I remember and that I embody my true nature and feel comfortable with mySelf.