The sounds of puffing drew my glance. I watched idly through teary eyes as his cigarette burned a red circle in the darkness, lighting his features with an odd mixture of rosy glow and deep shadows. Listening to the smoke fill his lungs, watching as he lowered his arm and his face disappeared into the darkness.

I looked at the fire and felt the tears fall on my cheeks. I wondered at my answer to his question myself. Was I craving submission again? I felt a deep sigh heave up out of me along with a huge load of sadness and fear. It made my throat close and the tears burned hotter.

“I don’t know…” I said into the silence. I knew the truth though deep down. The answer was yes. An emphatic yes….and a still quieter voice that negated that. My body was awash in remembered sensations and my heart replaying emotional scenes when I felt a hand close on my ankle like a vice.

I gasped at being jerked out of my revery and dragged across the hard stony ground toward his knees. “Well let’s test the theory then.” Startled, I couldn’t decide what to do. I watched him spread my legs and pounce on both hands on either side of my head. Before I could say a word, my mouth was crushed in a punishing kiss and he’d shifted his balance to grab a nipple and squeeze all thoughts out of my head completely. Mewling into his throat, I put my hands on his chest to push him off me, when he ground himself against my groin, catching my button just right. He’d shifted again at some point to his elbow and I found my head captive by my hair in his fist. He squeezed, pulling it deliciously. My hands shifted to his shoulders and began to clasp him, silently pleading for more. I found myself kissing him back and grinding my hips at him just as eagerly.

He lifted his head abruptly. “Yup. I’d say you do.” He sat back off me and picked up his cigarette. I lay there a long moment unable to believe he’d stopped like that. When I realized I’d continued to lay there legs spread, mouth opened from passion, my shirt misplaced by his explorations, I sat up just as abruptly and glared my irritation at myself for responding to him.

“Apparently I still want submissive sex…”

I turned my back on him resolutely and stared into the fire again.

Awhile later, his voice mixed in with the quiet crackles of the fire.

“You do realize that I’m going to do that again…?” I glanced at his features glowing again with another puff. I turned away again saying nothing. I let the silence linger a long while.

“Yup.” I just looked at the fire and didn’t think at all.

This was a post from a private blog. It was originally published August 26, 2010.

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