Holy cow my mind is fulla stuff. There’s all kindsa stuff rattling around in there, from where will I live when my lease is up on the 30th of this month- to how will a man I’m interested in handle seeing me make a public declaration about my play partner and not wanting other casual play partners- to sex- to spiritual things that are moving and shaking my very foundations of character- to my class work- to packing-to finances…You get the picture right? It is midnight. Way too late to be letting this stuff rattle around. Fact is, I’ve not had any time to let the stuff process at all. Think of this as a brain dump for getting it all out of there so I can sleep peaceful.
Tomorrow the agenda includes, doing something about the laundry and clean sheets, packing more books and dust catchers, essays and class participation, some math work and hopefully I’ll make it over to a study session with an instructor.
Some place in there, I’d love to sew up a dress that’s needed sewing since last summer and I haven’t got round to it. I’d really like to have that dress to wear this summer though. Its pretty.
Tuesday, I need to get into my closet and go through totes and start next week’s reading and do math…
Wednesday I’m hopeful there will be playing going on and that on Thursday I’ll be looking at marks on my skin. Did I mention it amuses me greatly to see my silly assed self looking at marks in the mirror with relish and happiness? *rolls eyes* I think it’s weird and juvenile still. I never did understand this in others until it happened to me. Now I see myself doing it, I still think its weird and juvenile, but there it is. I’m doing it anyway. Can’t deny that’s how I feel when I’m looking in the mirror feeling what I feel about it. So…yeah. Playing on Wednesday…and hopefully I’ll have got ahead on my class work.
Thursday and Friday is more of the same…though I hope to cross off one more of my long list of movies I want to see on Friday night. Got no date for that, but I thought I’d go anyway.
The weekend holds more play…Lucky me…
Life is full and good. Very uncertain in all kinds of ways…and let me just reflect. Once upon a time, I would be utterly, completely freaked out right now and I could never have deliberately chosen homelessness in favor of mobility, a trip and couch hopping. Never. I was a stability freak. I still am. But right now, my concerns for stability are more about needing to make sure I have a calm living experience, no matter what I’m doing…and that I have internet access for my class work. I am making myself nervous…but I am smiling at how I’ve changed. How relaxed I am about life…and how sure I am that all will be well…How calm I am about the process of self care works and how the process of life works.
In three weeks, the couch hopping begins…*smiles* I’m still hoping I have a plan before the month is out so I can relax about things more…but if I don’t I don’t.
But don’t be surprised if I don’t have as much time to write this summer…It may be an outlet for me…or it may go by the wayside. Dunno…*smiles*
Oh…and I need to clean out the fridge…Jeez it’s not been done in an eon…
*to bed wench!*