Actions have a way of speaking louder than words ever could. When one stands beside another even on their darkest of days, stormiest of moments, they speak their confidence, care, trust and understanding. When one turns their back on the slightest swell, on the first sight of a cloud, on the landing of the first drop of rain, it speaks to their true nature. Thoughts to Ponder. This is a quote shared/from my friend Mel…

Thrice in the past few months, I’ve seen people I love as friends ‘step back’ because I wasn’t fun enough or was too heavy emotionally, even severed ties without explanation or chose to ignore me. When this happens, my first reaction is to listen and try to process whatever my part might be. I am generally quiet about a choice to walk away. If I have anything to say at all about it, it’s something like this quote of Mel’s. I avoid a fight. I speak my peace if it’s welcome. I give things some time. I let them know the door is open if I am welcomed to do that. Otherwise I let the dust settle and I assess when my emotions are not fresh and painful to me. If a friend is determined, in the end, I accept their decision. I move on quietly and without fuss and I don’t make our mutual friends choose sides, nor do I pester my estranged friend if I see them in our community. I am polite and even friendly in the fashion everyone expects of me socially. I do my best not to draw any attention at all to the falling out I had.

It might seem that I gave up easily, but it always seems to me that if I am valued, my friend will truly want to see the difficulty worked out. While I am quiet and stoic in my grief, my heart still loves. The love is unconditional too. I look at what I can understand is my side of things without beating myself up, but with fearless honesty. I try to clear my side of the street and then I let it all go and I don’t keep looking back. I strive to be steadfast and constant in my love for all the people in my life and most of all to myself. I stand firm in the belief that I deserve the same patience, fortitude and loyalty I give. I stand firm in the belief that I deserve the same unconditional love I give to my friends. This said in memorial for Love that appears lost just now.

In these same past months I’ve seen many friends be loyal just the way I’ve described. They have laughed with me, listened, shared meals and time together. They have been there through thick and thin. I know I am in their prayers. I know I have earned their trust and that they value me. I know that they aren’t simply pandering to my ego as an enabler would. Their viewpoint of my ability to be a friend is honest and wise. I have been told many times in these same past months how easy I am to be with, how happy, how charming I am, how much they love my laugh, how sincere I am…How easy I am to live with. These precious friends forgive my occasional foibles and are not afraid to be with me when I have them. I am so grateful. I am grateful that I can be who I am without having to be perfect and that I can be perfectly magnificent too without jealousies or striking at insecurities. There are some really wonderful men and women in my life. I have good friends and I am very happily reminded of that when they see me through losses like these past few months. To each of you…And you know who you are…All my love and a cuppa tea!

4 thoughts on “How to Be My Friend

  1. Ahh…..now you’ve just spoken the magic words….’cup of tea’….lol.

    Seriously though sweety, I know you understand why much of this speaks to me. Seems I’ve both been ‘unchosen’ and done some ‘unchoosing’ this past year. I’m beginning to see its the inevitable consequence of personal growth. The kaleidoscope turns, the picture changes, life goes on. I keep remembering Gillette’s comment about ‘it is what it is’. Everyone inevitably does what we feels right for them and that’s a(sometimes hard) heart lesson.

    love and hugs xxx

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    1. Indeed….*smiles* sending you a mental bouquet of flowers sweety…I was thinking of you and a few others when I found that pink flower for this post…I find myself ever more grateful over the years for those rare folks who fit still with each evolution I undergo. It is comforting to have that history with close, dear friends. Hugs!

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