Something like two years ago now…maybe more? I ‘met’ a fellow on a dating site. We have never seen each other in person. At least not to my knowledge. We didn’t meet the first time because I was grouchy. I was fresh from the rebound of splitting with my husband still and when I realized I was just being bitchy, I decided that I shouldn’t even talk to men yet, because most of them were pissing me off. I wandered away from dating sites and gave my celibacy a few more months.
At which point I tried again and this time I think we might have got as far as exchanging private email addresses. Again I was eventually grouchy with him. I think this time we talked about the grouchiness I suffered from and laughed about it, agreeing not to take it all seriously and chalk it up to not communicating well in writing together.
I found someone to spend time with and had things on my plate, so I wandered away from the site again. I don’t know if there was another moment we ‘met’ up perhaps last summer, but if so, it was another instance that I didn’t connect with him for whatever reason. This time? Same thing…No can do for reasons on his end. I began to figure we’d never meet and I have just flirted with him.
I don’t know for sure why it is he’s never really got time to meet, but he doesn’t and so we just flirt. Our brand of flirting looks almost like cyber sex. Last night I discovered he likes a woman to talk raunchy to him, so I began using words like ‘cunt’ and ‘pound me hard’. I talked dirty to him whilst cooking tonight’s potluck dish for a gathering at my place. I enjoyed drippy conversation with him whilst sitting to relax and eat a snack before running out to the door for last evening’s activities. I got home and continued the conversation as if we’d never finished it earlier. He makes me smile at how aroused he can make me with all that talk since I generally don’t really like having such conversations with anyone. For me, such conversations are foreplay and I don’t like having unrequited foreplay. It’s annoying usually to get going and be left to do something about my juicy all alone.
I have changed over the past few years though. I can have the most intense erotic conversations. I can be intensely aroused and still not feel compelled to even caress myself…so long as I’m in a dominant dynamic. In that dynamic, I have complete control of my libido. I have never had such control in my life until the past year or two. It’s control I appreciate.
It is not so much in place if I’m in a submissive dynamic, especially in a setting that I feel really safe as well as very smitten…but I can control it instead of getting all obsessive over cumming.
Sometimes talking to this guy irritates me intensely still. Not because I’m grouchy…It’s because after all this time and all the intimate conversations I’ve had with him over the years, I have an intense urge to fuck the man silly and exhausted.
Nevertheless I am enjoying talking to him.
I still doubt we’ll ever meet, but he’s been a fun pen pal the past few years and I’m enjoying getting to know him in this slow incremental way.
The good news is that cyber sex is bare back…the best kind of sex if you ask me. No condoms necessary.*smirks*